


Until I see you again

by readeverystory



Category: The Mortal Instruments Series - Cassandra Clare, The Shadowhunter Chronicles - Cassandra Clare
Genre: Alec dies, Hurt No Comfort, I'm Sorry, M/M, Original Character Death(s), so much drama
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-16
Updated: 2018-04-14
Packaged: 2018-10-19 16:07:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,104
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10643346
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/readeverystory/pseuds/readeverystory
Summary: First Chapter: Alec went hunting with Jace and got poisoned. There`s nothing Magnus can do.Second Chapter: Years later Magnus is still grieveing about Alec's death. Tessa, Catarina and Max have to deal with him.Third Chapter: Magnus visits Alec's coffin (inspired by Lay me down from Sam Smith... awesome song)





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Not much to say: I'm sorry

“The demon came out of nowhere”, Jace said, his voice was raw. “I couldn't-”   
He broke into a sob and Magnus watched without any emotion as Clary put her arm around him and he buried her face into her shoulder. He had to bend down to do so and it should have looked awkward but as it always was with Clary and Jace it looked adorable. Magnus cased his eyes aside as if the image hurt him. He wondered why he wasn't crying.   
The door of the Infirmary opened and Brother Enoch stepped outside his face gave nothing away but it wasn't necessary, Magnus already knew. He'd known since Jace had stumbled into the Institute, one arm around Alec. He'd known then that it was over.   
There's nothing I can do anymore, Brother Enoch said matter-of-factly. He's awake now and asking for you.   
Isabelle started to cry loudly, Simon embraced her before she broke down to the floor, only his strong arms held her up. His eyes were full of tears.   
“I'm telling Rafael and Max”, Magnus whispered already pulling out his phone.   
Rafael picked up immediately even if it had to be in the middle of the night in Madrid where he lived now.   
“Papa, is something wrong?”, Rafael asked his voice tense.   
“It's your farther”, Magnus said, his voice sounded strange in his own ears as if it came from far away. “There's been an accident. He- he won't make it.”   
Rafael was silent for a long time but Magnus could hear him breathing.   
“I'm coming as fast as I can”, he said then and hung up.   
Max took longer to pick up. The phone had rang five times already until Magnus heard his cheerful voice. Max was always cheerful.   
“Papa”, he said into the phone. “What's up?”   
He had to be somewhere outside, Magnus mused, in the background he could hear people chatting and laughing.   
“Something has happened, Maxi”, Magnus said softly. “Your farther has been poisoned by a Greater Demon. He won't make it.”   
Max hesitated. Magnus could hear someone shouting at his son. He didn't bother to answer.   
“There's nothing you can do?”, Max asked after a while.   
“No. I tried, the Silent Brothers tried. The poison is too strong”, Magnus answered.   
“I'm coming”, Max sobbed.   
Magnus hung up, he still wasn't crying.   
When he looked up he saw that nobody was there anymore. They must've gone into Infirmary. Magnus turned around and gazed at the door. He didn't want to go inside. As long as he stood outside Alec would live, he told himself. It was a stupid thought but as long as he stood outside he didn't have to face the truth.   
Max was the first to arrive. His blue cheeks streaked with tears. He looked as he always did, timeless as all warlocks did, frozen around the age of twenty-five. But his eyes were sad, broken and there was nothing Magnus could do.   
“Where is he?”, Max asked.   
Magnus pointed to the Infirmary and Max wasted no time to see his farther. He didn't hesitate at the door but burst through it. Magnus stayed outside but he could hear soft voices coming from the Infirmary, there was laughter mixed with sobs as there always was when someone was dying. Magnus had seen, had heard it so often. He had felt so many mortal hearts slowing, had seen their gazes going unfocused and had heard their breaths weakening. It shouldn't have been so hard this time. There was nothing different. But still everything was different.   
Rafael came next, his hair was still messy from sleeping but his eyes were wide awake. He glanced at Magnus, put a hand on his shoulder but went on to the Infirmary. Magnus sighed and leaned against the wall. The stone felt cold against his back. He could see Alec when he closed his eyes. His wonderful Alexander. His black hair which he didn't even bother to brush sometimes and his blue eyes glittering when he laughed. He could see the way his gaze got serious when he told Magnus that he loved him. The way Alec had picked up the boys when they had been younger his strong arms always holding them secure. Magnus saw him on their wedding day, he had looked so beautiful in his golden suit and had been so goddamn happy.   
Magnus touched his face and realized he was crying.   
Alexander, he thought, perfect Alexander.   
He didn't know how much time passed until someone laid a hand on his shoulder. Magnus looked up to see Isabelle there, her eyes red from crying.   
“He wants to speak to you alone”, she whispered.   
Magnus nodded and exhaled. He had to face: this was real, his wonderful Alexander was dying and there was nothing he could do to save him.   
“All right”, Magnus said.   
He hesitated only for one second before he pushed the doors to the Infirmary open.   
Alec was lying in one of the beds his face pale but he smiled at Magnus when he entered.   
“I thought you'd never come”, he said, his voice was half-gentle, half-mocking. “I thought you'd hide in the hallway forever.”   
“How did you know I was in the hallway?”, Magnus asked.   
“Because I know you, Magnus”, Alec said and grinned. “You were out in the hallway, sulking and thinking about how much your life sucks, am I right?”   
Magnus said nothing but made a face at his husband. Alec had always known him better than anyone else.   
“Come here”, Alec said and held out a hand.   
Magnus hesitated but went slowly to the side of Alec's bed and took his hand. It was cold.   
“You've been crying”, he observed.   
“Of course, I've been crying”, Magnus said. “I do have the right to cry, don't I?”   
Alec smiled weakly. “I guess, you do.”   
They were silent for a moment, nothing but the sound of their breaths filling the room.   
“I don't want you to leave me”, Magnus whispered suddenly. “I can't- I can't lose you. What am I going to do without you?”   
Alec brushed away a tear that streamed down Magnus' cheek.   
“Live”, he whispered. “Promise me to live. And not just to survive but live.”   
Magnus shook his head unwillingly.   
“Be happy, Magnus”, Alec went on as if Magnus hadn't moved. “I want you to go on with your life.”   
“I CAN'T”, Magnus cried out loud sending the birds outside the windows flying. Alec didn't even blink.   
“I can't live without you, Alexander”, Magnus continued more quietly this time.   
“Of course you can”, Alec said and squeezed his hand. “Maybe not right now, but the wound will heal in time and then I want you to live.”   
“But-”   
“If you can't do it for yourself. Then do it for me. This is my last wish”, Alec said and his eyes had this stubborn light in them that made Magnus realize it was no use to argue with him.   
“Okay, I'll try.”   
Alec smiled at him. “Thank you.”   
Suddenly he broke into a fist of coughing, blood sputtering from his mouth. With a wink of his hand Magnus summoned a glass of water and made him drink.   
“This demon poisoning really is a bit unpleasant”, Alec muttered afterwards.   
Magnus chuckled through his tears. “Only you can describe your own death as unpleasant.”   
Alec grinned at him but Magnus saw in his eyes that he was still in pain.   
“Does it hurt? Can I do something for you?”, Magnus asked.   
“No, Brother Enoch already gave me something against the pain”, Alec answered, his eyes half-closed. “But you could kiss me.”   
“I'd love that”, Magnus whispered and bent down.   
His lips were dry and his face was hot with fever but he still smelled like Alexander. He smelled like sandalwood and soap.   
“I love you”, Alec whispered.   
“I love you too, Alexander. Always and forever”, Magnus told him.   
Alec cubbed his cheek with his hands. “Maybe one day we'll see each other again.”   
“Maybe”, Magnus answered with tears in his eyes.   
“But I want it to be a long time until then, okay?”   
Magnus nodded. “Until then, my love.”   
He died an hour later after that. Magnus sat on his bed, held his hand and felt, as he had done so many times before, the heartbeat of a loved one slowing. He watched as his gaze went unfocused, already half in another world and listened as his breath weakened. Nothing was different and still everything was different. Because Alexander had been different. Because he was his Alexander, his wonderful Alexander.   
When Alec closed his eyes for the last time, Magnus bent down to kiss him one last time and whispered: “I love you, my dear Alexander Gideon Lightwood-Bane. Always and forever until I see you again.”


	2. Chapter 2

„By the Angel“, Max breathed and took Catarina the words out of her mouth.   
Though, she wouldn't have used that expression, more like: “What the fuck?” or “What the hell?” or maybe even “Oh, my God.”. But sometimes, if one looked closely enough, one could still notice that Max had grown up between Shadowhunters and had been raised by one even if this was years in the past, decades even.   
Catarina sighed both at the situation in front of her and at the fact that Max had grown up too fast, more so, if he were a mortal he would be most likely dead. His brother was.   
“Hello, Max. Long time no see”, Tessa said and waved at him with her free hand. In the other hand she held a drink. Catarina envied her she could have used a drink too if she looked at the situation.   
Max didn't bother to answer.   
“How long has this been going on?”, he asked horrified.   
“About an hour”, Tessa said and shrugged.   
“Why haven't you called earlier?”   
Catarina sighed. “He promised us that he had it under control today. Plus, we thought we could control him.”   
Max shook his head at them as if he couldn't believe how foolish they were. Catarina couldn't blame him.   
“If I learned something in the last thirty years it is that you can never, never control Papa on the day of Dad's death”, Max muttered.   
“I can't believe it has been thirty years already”, Catarina said.   
Tessa sobbed quietly. Maybe she had just remembered that it would be twenty-five years next months since Jem's death.   
They were silent for a moment all of them deep in their own thoughts and a bit crashed by the weight of immortality. And also a bit horrified by Magnus.   
Catarina could honestly not recall when he had escaped her and Tessa's watchful eyes. Of course they had been watchful. They knew that it had been Alec's day of death and they knew that Magnus tended to... freak out a bit. Magnus had wanted to go get a drink and since the other option would've been listening to him weeping, Catarina and Tessa took him to a bar nearby, where he had drowned his sorrow in whiskey.   
“I miss him so much”, he had told her. “So much. I've never known you can miss somebody that much. I've loved many, you know that better than anyone, but there was no one quite as Alexander. And I don't think there will ever be one like him again.”   
Catarina had held him as he cried, then he had gotten himself another whiskey and slowly he had gotten drunk. And that was when things turned bad.   
Now Catarina was not new to Magnus Bane and his terrible ideas when he was drunk. She had been in Peru with him after all. But he had never run through the streets of New York with nothing on but one glove while crying out: “Love will come to you all. But beware it is a poison”. He had never gone naked into a shop in order to buy clothes only to tell the salesman how disgusting the taste of his dead husband had been and then to turn every piece in that shop in exactly that disgusting taste blue - “that was how his eyes looked”. And he had never flown up in the sky (still naked), painted it in all the colors of the rainbow and looked down at them. That's where he still was. Naked in the rainbow-colored sky with just a glove on and a drink in his hands.   
“Oh, hello, Maxi”, he yelled as he spotted his son. “How are you? I haven't seen you in sooo long.”   
Magnus waved down from the sky and while doing it sent his glass of whatever alcohol, Catarina really didn't want to know what it was exactly, flying.   
“Oops”, Magnus said and giggled.   
Max looked suddenly very exhausted and rubbed his face. “God, how I wish Rafael would be here. He had always been better at this.”   
He made a face at his brother's name as if reopening a barely healed wound. Catarina supposed it felt that way, it had not even been ten years since Rafael's death.   
“All right, Papa, how about you come down now?”, Max called up to Magnus.   
But Magnus just chuckled. “But it's nice up here. So peaceful. I wish to stay here forever.”   
Max rolled his eyes. “At one point you'll run out of power and then you'll fall down.”   
Magnus looked startled for one second and looked down but then just shrugged.   
“Do I really have to come get you?”, Max asked.   
“You'd have to catch me. And”, Magnus added in a whisper with wide eyes as if telling a secret, “you won't because I can do magic.”   
“Me too, remember? You taught me”, Max said. “Now come down.”   
Magnus hesitated but slowly to Catarina's utter astonishment flew down to the ground.   
“Hello, Papa”, Max said as he hit the ground with a sad expression. “It's been a while. How about I get you some clothes?”   
Max snapped his fingers and green sparks appeared over Magnus which formed to a pink suit. Catarina was surprised how well he had caught Magnus' style, she was surprised anyone could catch Magnus' style.   
Magnus said nothing, he just looked very tired suddenly.   
“Come on, let's get you home, all right? It's been a long night, I'm sure”, Max said.   
“Thirty years, Maxi. How can it be thirty years already?”, Magnus whispered astonished.   
“I know”, Max answered and Catarina saw tears in his eyes. “I miss him too.”


	3. Lay me down

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know, i know I haven't posted anything in like forever... I'm sorry but my life was kind of crazy the last ten (?) months:   
> Whatever. I never planned this chapter but i was listening to Sam Smith's Lay me down today and i suddenly had this story in my head so here it comes. Also this sort of a song fic, all the lyrics are in the stroy, not in the right order though. Bonus points to those who spot it all.

The room was dimly light, making it even more ghostly than a room in the Silent City already was.   
Shadowhunters, Magnus thought sarcastically, always trying their hardest to be as dramatic as possible. Even death.   
Magnus nearly choked at this thought. He had been expecting this, had anticipated this day coming and had prepared himself. Or so he had thought. But now as he stood in front of the coffin, he realized, he was anything but prepared.   
Alec, his Alexander, looked just as he always had. His hair black, silk and beautiful. His eyes would still be blue behind his eyelids, Magnus wished he could see them one last time. Those eyes for which he had fallen in the first place.   
He had told himself he would not cry when the day came Alexander had to go. After all Magnus knew what to expect, he had seen so many mortals die, some of them he had loved, some he had despised, but every single one of them had died. He had told himself to remain strong, but this feeling was overwhelming, it was much too strong. He had not expected to feel quite so lost and now his tears told their own story.   
Jace had picked out the coffin and Magnus had to admit he'd done a good job. It resembled Alexander's life perfectly, humble without any decorations on it, never too keen on putting himself into the spotlight. Without intention too Magnus remembered how he had compared those two brothers to one another in the early stages of his relationship with Alec. He had thought Jace was like the sun, blazing and praised and Alec like the moon, watching silently. Now the moon and the stars where nothing without him, without his sweet, sweet Alexander.   
Magnus couldn't stop the sob that escaped from his mouth. God, how he wished, that stupid boy would open his eyes. One last time, just one time.   
“I miss you”, Magnus whispered to him. “I miss you like crazy.”   
The last couple of days had been harder than Magnus had thought, he hadn't been able to eat, he hadn't been able to talk, sometimes when the days seemed especially dark he hadn't even been able to get out of bed. The Lightwoods, the kids, and of course Magnus's friends, Tessa, Catarina, Jem, had been there for him. But they could barely help. It was like their was a hole inside him, an emptiness that had been ripped inside his heart the moment Alexander's had stopped.   
Magnus didn't know how but suddenly his knees gave in and he was on the floor, his hands still holding on to the coffin. He sobbed and the tears came falling down, falling and falling without any sign of stopping. All he could think of was one thing: Why couldn't he lay at his side? He just wanted to make sure he was all right. He wanted to take care of his lover, the one true love of his life, of his enterinty. Was that too much to ask? He didn't want to be here if he couldn't be with Alexander tonight.   
Magnus didn't fear death, he had been alive long enough and he didn't think his life could get any better than as it had been with Alexander. But he would be so disappointed in Magnus, so disappointed.   
“Alec, if you hear me, if you hear my call, can't you take me with you”, Magnus whispered in the darkness. “This hurt that I'm going through is too much. It's too much for me.”   
Nothing happened. Of course not, Alec was way too stubborn to just give Magnus the easy way out.   
“Stupid shadowhunters”, Magnus laughed through his tears.   
He got up from the floor and looked down at his Alex. God, how he missed his touch, his eyes, he didn't even know where to begin. He missed everything about him.   
“Ave ataque, Alexander Lightwood”, Magnus whispered. “I promise you one day I will be right there, next to you. Just like I used to be.”   
Magnus reached out to run his hand through his hair and gave him a kiss, one last time.


End file.
